I'm back.....

 Upon opening IG today an awful thing popped up on my screen......Dooce was gone.....no details but I'm sure she just gave up on the long hard battle she had fought for years....

I told my friend and we started talking about how we had blogs and we didn't do them anymore.

I couldn't remember the name of mine but no only did she but she also had the link to it so here we are.

I read one of my post that talked about my first cancer check up and I was glad it was there.

So here we are .....

I'm going to start writing again. Not sure who if anyone will see it but this will be a place for me to write and journal and get my thoughts on paper.

4-7-8 Breath

Just breathe.....

It's a mantra I hold deep to my heart. I have never not felt better by taking a deep breathe and just stopping for a moment.

That being said the 4-7-8 technique is amazing.   I do this every morning.   And feel that as a result I am calmer throughout the day and able to handle more things that are in your life's path.  I need to start doing it more consistently a second time each day.

What is the 4-7-8 Breath you say?

Dr. Weil explains it best 

And the journey continues............................

Quote

"If there is love, there is hope that one may have real families, real brotherhood, real equanimity, real peace.  If the love within your mind is lost and you see other beings as enemies, then no matter how much knowledge or education or material comfort you have, only suffering and confusion will ensue."

~H.H. The Dalai Lama

and the journey continues.................

Momma moments with Pickle

So tonight G was working late so I was seating at the table with Pickle while he ate.

I was also going through my new FabFitFun Box (more on that later) and in it was a wireless speaker.  It seemed small and like it might not work so I thought I would try it out........and it is quite the powerful little thing.

So we started listening to whatever was on my phone that came up...

Started with Linkin Park - In the End which thankfully he liked (my little rocker) and then the Cranberries came on with Linger.   Pickle asked who was singing and I told him the Cranberries.  His reply......I like cranberries!   Momma can have some cranberry juice?

Gotta love it......




And the journey continues.......

thought

from here

Kids Menu

This last week we were on vacation at the beach and luckily my time in the kitchen was on vacation as well.  All this being said we ate out most meals.   What I have learned from this is that a "kids menu" is very limited.  Basically it is something fried w/ a side of something fried.   I know that the media is all over fast food chains and giving "healthier" options of kids and it would be nice if all restaurants followed suit.

This is what kids menus' usually have on them

• Hamburger/Cheeseburger and fries
• Hot dog/corn dog and fries
• Grilled cheese and fries 
• Chicken fingers and fries
• Marconi & Cheese

It would be nice is there were some other options for sides such as fruit, cottage cheese, yogurt, and oh I don't know maybe a vegetable?  Some of the bigger chains do this right - Applebee's is one example.  While they have the same main thing they have a variety of options to order as a side.

Also, can someone please explain to me why places that offer "kids meals" only have soda as a drink option?   And we wonder why kids are obese?   One place we go to has soda period.  Not even a sugary juice that at least I could water down - just soda.   No thank you.

Pickle doesn't eat enough to order off the grown up menu yet but he eats enough that he needs his own thing not just some of mine. I don't want to have to cook every meal for him but I also don't want him thinking that going out to eat means grilled cheese and fries..................




And the journey continues................

thought

From here

And the journey continues.........

thought

from here

And the journey continues....................

First Check Up

Well I had my first three month check up for the whole cancer thing on Monday.  I have to say the whole thing of it weighed on me much more than I realized.  I was wiped out that evening and all day Tuesday and I think I'm finally starting to feel a bit better today.

Let me be clear that I knew I was fine.  I really knew in the bottom of my soul that they would not find anything but really who in the world thinks that there life will be filled with 3 month checkups for cancer.  I certainly never thought I would.  And yet here I am.   Thankfully here I am.  I would rather endure this then at the age of 65 or so find out I have stage 4 bladder cancer and nothing can really be done.

If I haven't said it before let me say now that I LOVE my doctor.  I thank my angels for aligning things so that I have him.   He has the best attitude about this whole thing and that in and of itself helps me to immediately feel at ease whenever I am around him.  This is HUGE I tell you - HUGE.  When I walked in he said to "Oh you decided to come back"  my response......"I didn't think it was optional"  to which he just smiled.

I am also lucky enough that my husband left work early to join me.   He doesn't have to come every time but I had no idea what to expect on this first appointment and that was what was scary.   Scary because I had no idea what they were going to do, how invasive it would be, or how long it would take.  It meant the world to me to have his hand to hold.   As it turns out it the whole thing took less than 30 minutes total.   I got there a little early and sat in the waiting room until it was my time while I drank some water so I could perform the duties asked of me.   They called me into the back and I gave them a "sample" and then went into the room.  I was cleaned and a gel of the numbing kind was applied and then I waited.   Within a couple of minutes the doctor came in and we checked everything with a small scope.   When I say we checked, yes I mean from the inside, and no it didn't hurt.  It actually was kind of fascinating.  There is a small screen and you can actually see what the doctor sees.  He showed my all the walls of my bladder, where the kidneys are connected, and where my scar was from the surgery.   How amazing is it the we can even do that?   Truly!   And how lucky am I that we have this technology. 

A more advanced society gives us tools to detect and monitor things our grandparents couldn't.   But then again we also have many elements in our daily lives that stress our bodies in ways that our grandparents never had to deal with so it all goes hand in hand I guess.

After we were done G went to pick up Pickle and I went to Old Gravy to return some swim trunks for Pickle that were too big.   I was still in a bit of a daze. 

That night I swear I was asleep by 8 and didn't wake until the alarm went off at 4:45.   The same thing happened last night - although I think it might of made it until 9.  

I will go back in September and until then I will not think about it every day but it still is a part of me.  Things will trigger me to remember that I am a Cancer Survivor.  Remember life changes you - in good ways and in bad.  Until then I plan to smile a lot, laugh a lot,  hug those I love, and blow lots of bubbles for my Pickle.



And the journey continues.................................

thought

 

And the journey continues.......................

Get in the pool!

So we are on vacation in a place that has multiple pools......yes pools......and this would normally strike fear in my very soul.   Then I realized I don't give a flying...................

In the mist of trying to loose some weight before we would leave there was an article that was flying around the internet and social media and she is so right.

Huffington Post - Mom's put on that swimsuit

Here's the deal - no matter what size you are you are never going to be the smallest or the largest girl at the pool.  This was once again true at the pool yesterday.  And honestly do you know any of these people?   Will you see any of them ever again?  Probably not.    (Granted there is that small possibility that you will run into that long lost love that you haven't seen in 30 years or 30 pounds but the odds on that are very very small)

Bottom line I want to have memories with Pickle.  He is little so he may not remember how we splashed in the pool and he laughed and laughed and laughed.  But I will.   I'm glad I have the pictures I do from our time in Hawaii last fall - I look at those pictures and see that big smile on Pickle's face and I'm glad I was a participant not standing on the sidelines fully clothed.  I waited a long, long time for this little guy and I want to give him all I got.

Am I still trying to loose weight.  You betcha.  And I as soon as Pickle gets up from his nap I'm going to put him in the stroller and walk my buns off.  The weather is perfect and there are a ton of walking/bike paths where we are.  


And the journey continues....................

List

I am such a list maker.  It's almost funny.   Every Friday I make a couple of lists for home.  One is a list of what I need to accomplish over the weekend and the other is a grocery store list.

I think there are two reasons why they are so helpful to me.

1.  Sometimes one can get really caught up in "all there is to do" but in reality it might not be that bad.    There are times when I thought I all these things to do and I would never get them done.  Reality -- there wasn't that many things in the big scheme of things. 

2.  You get to cross things off!  I mean really what is a better feeling than that!   Am I alone here?  

On Sunday night is everything crossed off my list - ummm no.  But that's not really my goal.   I just want to make sure I did most of it and the stuff that didn't get done can move onto the next weekend.   But I can look it and realize I'm so exhausted because of what I did accomplish.

Pickle usually has his own list.  If he wants something (cupcakes) or wants to do something (go to the park) during the week when we just don't have time we make a list of what we want to do for the weekend and put it on the list.   He loves this!   And its a fun way for him to choose some things he wants to do for the weekend.   Also, interesting to see what he says.  He is old enough to know our routine.   "Store mama?"  Yep we go to the grocery store every Saturday morning.   "Park momma?"   As long as its not raining we are at one of the parks in our neighborhood every weekend as well.  And if we can remember we look back at it on Sunday afternoon and look at everything we have done!

I also always have at least one list going at work. That list is important for a different reason though.   I get interrupted a lot at work - part of the gig - so I could be working on something and all of a sudden I'm taken away to work on something else.   If I have my list to refer back to then stuff doesn't get lost in the shuffle. 



And the journey continues........

Thought for the day

And the journey continues...........

Date Night

Last weekend was a 3 day weekend and G was gone at a conference last week so this was the perfect weekend for a date night.  We are very blessed to have a great babysitter and she was available on Saturday night so off we went for a little couple time.

It was a simple date and a great little restaurant called Stickers in the Sellwood area of town.  We timed are arrival perfectly and were able to get a booth that looked out onto the street so we could watch people as they walked by.

We started with drinks (martini for me and beer for G) and some wonderful dumplings that were rolled in a wonderful coconut peanut sauce topped with scallions and cilantro.  They were heavenly!

Next I had the Pad Thai and G had Kung Pao Chicken.  Both dishes were packed full of flavor

When we were done we walked around the neighborhood - its such a great neighborhood.   We would live over there in a minute.  I don't want to live their when I work in Hillsboro however.......not thanks to that drive.   But we have looked there before and who knows what the future holds.   When we got back to our car I wondered what the people parked next to us where doing.  Oh well they full on had a glass pipe and were participating in a little known herb that is not technically legal in the state for another couple of months.....funny for me.   That's Sellwood for you.....

When we were done it wasn't time to go home yet!   We decided to head back to our neck of the woods and go to a nearby bar and listen to some live music.  The couple performing was great, low key duo - perfect night cap.

We came home and rented The Imitation Game.   Great movie and I can see why it was nominated last year for Oscars.   If you haven't seen it I recommend.

Our next date night is yet to be determined ...  maybe when we are at the beach with my parentals ... at our old stomping grounds at Salesian.

And the journey continues.....

Cancer

Scary word I know and one I never thought would be part of my world.

I check a different box now and this is my story......

After many months of some different issues and just feeling so tired all the time I decided I needed to do something.  After some testing we found that  my fibroids were growing again and didn't seem to be stopping.   I had one the size of a golf ball.  And my uterus was the size of someone in their second trimester.   Also, being that I had Pickle with no help at the age of 45 the odds that I was going into menopause any time soon seemed unlikely.  My doctors and I decided the best options was to do a hysterectomy and keep my ovaries.    The decision was made in January and we were scheduled for March 10th.   I would take 3 weeks off work to heal and get better and I should be ready to roll by April 1st.

I went into the surgery confident in my doctor but a little apprehensive.  G took Pickle to daycare and then came and got me and off to the hospital we went.   Our babysitter would meet G back at the home in the afternoon and take care of Pickle and G would have me home by 9 pm.

Everything went as planned.   The surgery went great........and then the doctor came in to talk about the surgery..........

She said everything went great but they found something on my bladder when they were looking around so they were sending it in to be tested. 

The next week we waited......and waited......and waited......

When my doctor finally called she asked me if I was alone.   I told her no that G was home with me and that's when I heard the words that the test had come back positive and I did have bladder cancer.   I don't even remember the exact words she said.  I actually thought I might pass out.  I will always remember exactly where I was standing .... in the kitchen.   And all I could think was that I couldn't leave my little baby behind......I just couldn't.  After I hung up the phone G came to me and I just held onto him a cried.   And cried.  And cried. I was so scared.

I have a wonderful doctor though.  He also said the one sentence I wanted to hear........."you aren't going to die from this".  I trust him with every bit of my being.  We went right in that next week and removed all that was left with a large margin around it.  And now I just go in every 3 months for a check up to see if anything has come back.   Then after 2 years if we don't find anything I get to wait longer in between check ups.  I don't have to do any chemo or radiation or anything else.   Lucky am I in the big scheme of things

Here's the funny thing.   I knew something was wrong me.   Didn't know what but I knew something was wrong.   NEVER in a million years did I think I had cancer.   I always thought it was my heart or something along those lines.  Did I have any symptoms of bladder cancer?   Nope - not a one.  

I would of never probably known I had the cancer until it was too late had I not had the other surgery.   So I am thankful and grateful and ever other word you want to throw in here?  You bet.

Am I still scared.  Yes.   Will I ever look at anything the same again. Probably not.  Does it still shake me to my core that I have had cancer cells in my body. Yes.  Do I consider myself very lucky.  Yes.

Everything happens for a reason people......everything.......I shutter to think what would of happen if I would of never had the first surgery......

As corny as it sounds this changed me but it does not define me.



And the journey continues........

Thought for the day....

And the journey continues.....

Summer Bucket List

Ok here we go!

1. Go to the Zoo
2. Picnic in the park
3. Stick my toes in the sand & the ocean
4. Make homemade ice cream
5. Run through the sprinklers
6. Build a sandcastle
7. Date night w/ my husband
8. Try a new restaurant
9. Go to the Fair
10. Meditate every day

Looks pretty reasonable ..........



And the journey continues...............

I'm Back

So......

When it comes right down to it this style, format, whatever you want to call it seems to work better for me and so Daily Pickle will go as so many other sites into the graveyard of no longer supported blogs..

My focus will be as follows:

• Recipes - ones liked and not so liked and maybe pictures if I have my act together
• Bucket List - have to do one for each season
• Spirtuality - my thoughts on what helps me to survive

I hope you enjoy the your journey with me.......



And the journey continues..........

Moved on....

I started this blog shortly after I had experienced my second miscarrage.....it was a way for me to be creative and to get lost.

Well I am no longer lost and am trying to celebrate all that is right in my world....

So I have moved on.....

You can now find me here

www.dailypickle.net 



Hope to see you there........

Thought

via Buddha Grove