First Check Up

Well I had my first three month check up for the whole cancer thing on Monday.  I have to say the whole thing of it weighed on me much more than I realized.  I was wiped out that evening and all day Tuesday and I think I'm finally starting to feel a bit better today.

Let me be clear that I knew I was fine.  I really knew in the bottom of my soul that they would not find anything but really who in the world thinks that there life will be filled with 3 month checkups for cancer.  I certainly never thought I would.  And yet here I am.   Thankfully here I am.  I would rather endure this then at the age of 65 or so find out I have stage 4 bladder cancer and nothing can really be done.

If I haven't said it before let me say now that I LOVE my doctor.  I thank my angels for aligning things so that I have him.   He has the best attitude about this whole thing and that in and of itself helps me to immediately feel at ease whenever I am around him.  This is HUGE I tell you - HUGE.  When I walked in he said to "Oh you decided to come back"  my response......"I didn't think it was optional"  to which he just smiled.

I am also lucky enough that my husband left work early to join me.   He doesn't have to come every time but I had no idea what to expect on this first appointment and that was what was scary.   Scary because I had no idea what they were going to do, how invasive it would be, or how long it would take.  It meant the world to me to have his hand to hold.   As it turns out it the whole thing took less than 30 minutes total.   I got there a little early and sat in the waiting room until it was my time while I drank some water so I could perform the duties asked of me.   They called me into the back and I gave them a "sample" and then went into the room.  I was cleaned and a gel of the numbing kind was applied and then I waited.   Within a couple of minutes the doctor came in and we checked everything with a small scope.   When I say we checked, yes I mean from the inside, and no it didn't hurt.  It actually was kind of fascinating.  There is a small screen and you can actually see what the doctor sees.  He showed my all the walls of my bladder, where the kidneys are connected, and where my scar was from the surgery.   How amazing is it the we can even do that?   Truly!   And how lucky am I that we have this technology. 

A more advanced society gives us tools to detect and monitor things our grandparents couldn't.   But then again we also have many elements in our daily lives that stress our bodies in ways that our grandparents never had to deal with so it all goes hand in hand I guess.

After we were done G went to pick up Pickle and I went to Old Gravy to return some swim trunks for Pickle that were too big.   I was still in a bit of a daze. 

That night I swear I was asleep by 8 and didn't wake until the alarm went off at 4:45.   The same thing happened last night - although I think it might of made it until 9.  

I will go back in September and until then I will not think about it every day but it still is a part of me.  Things will trigger me to remember that I am a Cancer Survivor.  Remember life changes you - in good ways and in bad.  Until then I plan to smile a lot, laugh a lot,  hug those I love, and blow lots of bubbles for my Pickle.



And the journey continues.................................

Cancer

Scary word I know and one I never thought would be part of my world.

I check a different box now and this is my story......

After many months of some different issues and just feeling so tired all the time I decided I needed to do something.  After some testing we found that  my fibroids were growing again and didn't seem to be stopping.   I had one the size of a golf ball.  And my uterus was the size of someone in their second trimester.   Also, being that I had Pickle with no help at the age of 45 the odds that I was going into menopause any time soon seemed unlikely.  My doctors and I decided the best options was to do a hysterectomy and keep my ovaries.    The decision was made in January and we were scheduled for March 10th.   I would take 3 weeks off work to heal and get better and I should be ready to roll by April 1st.

I went into the surgery confident in my doctor but a little apprehensive.  G took Pickle to daycare and then came and got me and off to the hospital we went.   Our babysitter would meet G back at the home in the afternoon and take care of Pickle and G would have me home by 9 pm.

Everything went as planned.   The surgery went great........and then the doctor came in to talk about the surgery..........

She said everything went great but they found something on my bladder when they were looking around so they were sending it in to be tested. 

The next week we waited......and waited......and waited......

When my doctor finally called she asked me if I was alone.   I told her no that G was home with me and that's when I heard the words that the test had come back positive and I did have bladder cancer.   I don't even remember the exact words she said.  I actually thought I might pass out.  I will always remember exactly where I was standing .... in the kitchen.   And all I could think was that I couldn't leave my little baby behind......I just couldn't.  After I hung up the phone G came to me and I just held onto him a cried.   And cried.  And cried. I was so scared.

I have a wonderful doctor though.  He also said the one sentence I wanted to hear........."you aren't going to die from this".  I trust him with every bit of my being.  We went right in that next week and removed all that was left with a large margin around it.  And now I just go in every 3 months for a check up to see if anything has come back.   Then after 2 years if we don't find anything I get to wait longer in between check ups.  I don't have to do any chemo or radiation or anything else.   Lucky am I in the big scheme of things

Here's the funny thing.   I knew something was wrong me.   Didn't know what but I knew something was wrong.   NEVER in a million years did I think I had cancer.   I always thought it was my heart or something along those lines.  Did I have any symptoms of bladder cancer?   Nope - not a one.  

I would of never probably known I had the cancer until it was too late had I not had the other surgery.   So I am thankful and grateful and ever other word you want to throw in here?  You bet.

Am I still scared.  Yes.   Will I ever look at anything the same again. Probably not.  Does it still shake me to my core that I have had cancer cells in my body. Yes.  Do I consider myself very lucky.  Yes.

Everything happens for a reason people......everything.......I shutter to think what would of happen if I would of never had the first surgery......

As corny as it sounds this changed me but it does not define me.



And the journey continues........