thought

From here

And the journey continues.........

thought

from here

And the journey continues....................

First Check Up

Well I had my first three month check up for the whole cancer thing on Monday.  I have to say the whole thing of it weighed on me much more than I realized.  I was wiped out that evening and all day Tuesday and I think I'm finally starting to feel a bit better today.

Let me be clear that I knew I was fine.  I really knew in the bottom of my soul that they would not find anything but really who in the world thinks that there life will be filled with 3 month checkups for cancer.  I certainly never thought I would.  And yet here I am.   Thankfully here I am.  I would rather endure this then at the age of 65 or so find out I have stage 4 bladder cancer and nothing can really be done.

If I haven't said it before let me say now that I LOVE my doctor.  I thank my angels for aligning things so that I have him.   He has the best attitude about this whole thing and that in and of itself helps me to immediately feel at ease whenever I am around him.  This is HUGE I tell you - HUGE.  When I walked in he said to "Oh you decided to come back"  my response......"I didn't think it was optional"  to which he just smiled.

I am also lucky enough that my husband left work early to join me.   He doesn't have to come every time but I had no idea what to expect on this first appointment and that was what was scary.   Scary because I had no idea what they were going to do, how invasive it would be, or how long it would take.  It meant the world to me to have his hand to hold.   As it turns out it the whole thing took less than 30 minutes total.   I got there a little early and sat in the waiting room until it was my time while I drank some water so I could perform the duties asked of me.   They called me into the back and I gave them a "sample" and then went into the room.  I was cleaned and a gel of the numbing kind was applied and then I waited.   Within a couple of minutes the doctor came in and we checked everything with a small scope.   When I say we checked, yes I mean from the inside, and no it didn't hurt.  It actually was kind of fascinating.  There is a small screen and you can actually see what the doctor sees.  He showed my all the walls of my bladder, where the kidneys are connected, and where my scar was from the surgery.   How amazing is it the we can even do that?   Truly!   And how lucky am I that we have this technology. 

A more advanced society gives us tools to detect and monitor things our grandparents couldn't.   But then again we also have many elements in our daily lives that stress our bodies in ways that our grandparents never had to deal with so it all goes hand in hand I guess.

After we were done G went to pick up Pickle and I went to Old Gravy to return some swim trunks for Pickle that were too big.   I was still in a bit of a daze. 

That night I swear I was asleep by 8 and didn't wake until the alarm went off at 4:45.   The same thing happened last night - although I think it might of made it until 9.  

I will go back in September and until then I will not think about it every day but it still is a part of me.  Things will trigger me to remember that I am a Cancer Survivor.  Remember life changes you - in good ways and in bad.  Until then I plan to smile a lot, laugh a lot,  hug those I love, and blow lots of bubbles for my Pickle.



And the journey continues.................................

thought

 

And the journey continues.......................

Get in the pool!

So we are on vacation in a place that has multiple pools......yes pools......and this would normally strike fear in my very soul.   Then I realized I don't give a flying...................

In the mist of trying to loose some weight before we would leave there was an article that was flying around the internet and social media and she is so right.

Huffington Post - Mom's put on that swimsuit

Here's the deal - no matter what size you are you are never going to be the smallest or the largest girl at the pool.  This was once again true at the pool yesterday.  And honestly do you know any of these people?   Will you see any of them ever again?  Probably not.    (Granted there is that small possibility that you will run into that long lost love that you haven't seen in 30 years or 30 pounds but the odds on that are very very small)

Bottom line I want to have memories with Pickle.  He is little so he may not remember how we splashed in the pool and he laughed and laughed and laughed.  But I will.   I'm glad I have the pictures I do from our time in Hawaii last fall - I look at those pictures and see that big smile on Pickle's face and I'm glad I was a participant not standing on the sidelines fully clothed.  I waited a long, long time for this little guy and I want to give him all I got.

Am I still trying to loose weight.  You betcha.  And I as soon as Pickle gets up from his nap I'm going to put him in the stroller and walk my buns off.  The weather is perfect and there are a ton of walking/bike paths where we are.  


And the journey continues....................

List

I am such a list maker.  It's almost funny.   Every Friday I make a couple of lists for home.  One is a list of what I need to accomplish over the weekend and the other is a grocery store list.

I think there are two reasons why they are so helpful to me.

1.  Sometimes one can get really caught up in "all there is to do" but in reality it might not be that bad.    There are times when I thought I all these things to do and I would never get them done.  Reality -- there wasn't that many things in the big scheme of things. 

2.  You get to cross things off!  I mean really what is a better feeling than that!   Am I alone here?  

On Sunday night is everything crossed off my list - ummm no.  But that's not really my goal.   I just want to make sure I did most of it and the stuff that didn't get done can move onto the next weekend.   But I can look it and realize I'm so exhausted because of what I did accomplish.

Pickle usually has his own list.  If he wants something (cupcakes) or wants to do something (go to the park) during the week when we just don't have time we make a list of what we want to do for the weekend and put it on the list.   He loves this!   And its a fun way for him to choose some things he wants to do for the weekend.   Also, interesting to see what he says.  He is old enough to know our routine.   "Store mama?"  Yep we go to the grocery store every Saturday morning.   "Park momma?"   As long as its not raining we are at one of the parks in our neighborhood every weekend as well.  And if we can remember we look back at it on Sunday afternoon and look at everything we have done!

I also always have at least one list going at work. That list is important for a different reason though.   I get interrupted a lot at work - part of the gig - so I could be working on something and all of a sudden I'm taken away to work on something else.   If I have my list to refer back to then stuff doesn't get lost in the shuffle. 



And the journey continues........

Thought for the day

And the journey continues...........